I pity the youth that doesn’t know these 33 things.
All the words to “All Star.”
Most of the words to “Summer Girls.”
Just, like, who Mya is.
The pure joy of screaming the lyrics to “Get Low,” particularly “the sweat drop down my balls, all these bitches crawl,” at school dances and/or social functions.
How awkward it made dance chaperones feel when you sang the words to “Get Low” at school dances.
How cool the freeze frame parts in Michelle Branch’s “All You Wanted” music video was.
The importance of Ashanti.
The importance of an Ashanti and Ja Rule collab.
The hysteria over t.A.T.u. being Russian lesbians.
The hysteria that happened when we found out they weren’t even actually lesbians, like it was all pretend.
The absolute roller coaster of emotions that went into burning a CD.
The struggle and sacrifice you had to make when deciding how to fill 80 minutes on a CD.
When you burned a new CD just for one or two songs and you filled the rest of the CD with songs you were already sick of.
The pleasure of illegally downloading music, leaving it overnight, and having it successfully download by morning.
The anguish of illegally downloading music, leaving it overnight, and seeing that it “timed out” or some shit by morning.
Learning how to spot the fake files in the first place.
The anxiety of going to Blockbuster for a new release only to find they ran out of the one you wanted.
When people said “here” like “herre” because of Nelly.
When people said “there” like “thurr” because of Chingy.
How cool you felt when you went on AIM Express at school.
How good it felt to scream all the words to “Hollaback Girl.”
How good it felt to scream/sing the words to “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield.
And now that you’re thinking of “Unwritten,” you’re thinking of The Hills.
And now that you’re thinking of The Hills and “Unwritten,” you’re probably thinking of “Come Clean” and Laguna Beach.
The fear of the black-light test on Room Raiders.
The absurdity of the Next bios.
The mindless pleasure of rating people on “Hot or Not.”
The jealousy you felt when your friend got a flip phone.
The aggression you felt toward your parents when they picked up the phone while you were using the internet.
The joy of passive-aggressively putting shady lyrics in your AIM profile because you were mad at your friend.
Shadily leaving out one of your friends in your away message because you were mad at them.
And lastly, wanting to die when this happened to your computer.
Take a trip down memory lane that’ll make you feel nostalgia AF