“Nothing was ever done.”
Meghan Markle just opened up about what her mental health was like amidst being bombarded with negative — and often false — stories in the press.
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“I just didn’t see a solution. I would sit up at night and I was just like I don’t understand how all this is being churned out,” Meghan told Oprah, saying that her mother and friends would call her crying over what was written.
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“It was all happening just because I was breathing.”
“I was really ashamed to say it at the time, and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry, because I know how much loss he’s suffered — but I knew that if I didn’t say it, that I would do it,” she continued. “I just didn’t want to be alive anymore and that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought.”
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“I remember how he just cradled me.”
Meghan says that she went to senior members of “The Institution” and asked for help, but was told she couldn’t go to seek inpatient services as it wouldn’t be, “Good for the institution.”
Meghan says that she even went to HR, but was told, “My heart goes out to you because I see how bad it is, but there’s nothing we can do to protect you because you’re not a paid employee of the Institution.”
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“Nothing was ever done.”
Meghan says that she was trapped without her passport and drivers license, and couldn’t leave. She reached out to one of Princess Diana’s friends as she thought she might understand.
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She said that the suicidal ideation got so bad she thought, “I thought it would have solved everything for everyone.”
Meghan also went into detail over one photograph taken at the Royal Albert Hall in 2019 — shortly after she told Harry about her suicidal ideation that, “isn’t some abstract ideal, this is methodical.”
Although Harry suggested Meghan not attend, she replied, “I can’t be left alone.” In the image, Harry’s hands are gripped around Meghan’s as, “We are both just trying to hold on.”
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She says she would cry every time the lights went off that night.
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