“Here I am achieving this out-of-control life, and I can’t do the one thing I’m biologically put on this earth to do,” she told the Guardian. “Then I have to go onstage and be this sex symbol of femininity and empowerment? It is demoralizing.”
In a 2016 interview with Rolling Stone, she explained how she’d had a miscarriage hours before taking to the stage, revealing she took painkillers and put on an adult diaper to perform. “It’s the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life,” she said. “That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, ‘I don’t feel like a fucking human being anymore.'”
“I’ve been thinking lots about my body,” she wrote. “It’s strange to watch yourself change so quickly. I thought pregnancy would give me very strong, binary feelings about ‘womanhood’ but truly it has leveled my perception of gender entirely.”
She went on: “My sensitivity to my body has made me hyper aware of my humanness and that’s all. Doing a remarkable thing. And it’s grand. I hope the feeling lasts.”
